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  “I would love to teach you. Seriously, it’ll be fun.” Landon stretched out on his mat and grinned again.

  “Okay. Sounds good.” We both flipped over into plank position as we continued talking.

  “Meet me here this time tomorrow? It gives us just enough time to grab a shower before the pool opens.” Landon held out his hand to help me up and I wondered what exactly I was getting myself into.

  We met the next morning to work out. Landon knew a lot about muscle training and development. I learned the best ways to work my biceps, shoulders, triceps, and the dreaded obliques. He was right; it was more fun having someone to talk to when working out.

  After that, we decided to meet each morning before work. As the week went on, it shocked me how relaxed I felt around him. I was having fun for the first time in months. Maybe even in years. Ashley would have been impressed.

  He was growing on me, and he was an encouraging and patient teacher. I enjoyed learning from him and watching his focus when working out. The hardest part was keeping the drool from running out of my mouth when he did his chest presses or ran on the treadmill.

  And I wasn’t the only one appreciating him. Each day I watched the teenage country club girls continue to flirt with him mercilessly. He was often given phone numbers, and on his break, he was constantly texting, or more likely, sexting.

  I wasn’t sure why it got to me, but it did. One little teeny bopper in particular would follow him around all day, every day. She tried to come with us into the guard house and, finally, I had enough.

  “Tinley, you can’t be in here. This space is for the guards only.” She ignored me and continued to whisper to Landon. “Landon! I’m serious. That’s enough!” My voice sounded shrill even to my own ears, and Landon looked at me with eyebrows raised. He murmured something to Tinley and she stomped out.

  I looked back at my Kindle and felt my flush deepening. I was losing complete control and I never did that. I also looked like I cared. This was so not good.

  Landon came behind me and his warm breath hit my ear. “Ah, Em… Are you jealous?”

  No. Yes. Crap.

  I snorted and ignored him. He brought his lips so close to my ear I could almost feel them brush against it. I wanted to beg. I wanted to plead with him to touch me. To kiss my ear. Something, anything, to take this edge off. I needed it and I didn’t do needy. My stomach knotted and I held my breath.

  “I’m only interested in you.” He inhaled deeply, obviously smelling me, and I was so aroused I thought I would faint. He walked out of the room without looking back. I turned and stared at his bare, muscular back and closed my eyes. Hot damn, he was good.

  Or not. The next morning I waited fifteen minutes for him before I started my workout. He was a no show. I worked out aggressively, beating my body up for starting to like someone when I knew better.

  He was also late for work. It was only then that I started to worry. What if he was in an accident? I was looking up his number to call his house when he stumbled in. His baseball cap was on backwards again, albeit cocked slightly sideways this time, and he wore dark aviator shades. Dark stubble marked his face and he reeked of cheap, stale beer. Disgusting.

  “Landon, what the hell happened to you?” Anger surged through me. He skipped out on our planned workout and was late for work—because he was hung-over? I was mostly pissed at myself, though. I had let him get to me. Stupid Emma.

  Landon took off his shades to reveal blood shot eyes. “Sorry, Em. Partied with the boys out by the lake too late last night. Feelin’ a bit rough at the moment. I’ll sweat it out. Don’t worry. I just need a quick swim in the pool and a couple Advil.”

  “Take a shower first. You smell horrible.” I slammed my papers on the desk and walked to the door.

  Landon stood in front of me, towering really, with almost a foot on me. “What is your problem, Emma?” He looked pissed for the first time. Why would he be pissed at me? I was the one he let down.

  “You’re my problem, because now I have to cover for your ass. If it happens again, I will write you up. Now clean up and get to work. If I had more guards, I’d send your sorry ass home.” I tried to move around him, but the wall that was Landon wouldn’t budge.

  “You only live once, you know? Haven’t you ever let yourself be a little bad? Maybe—make a mistake?” He reached out to touch my face, and I smacked his hand away.

  “Don’t touch me, Landon. I’m sick and tired of men who say one thing and do another. I don’t have time for you and your self-centered bullshit. Now move.” He stepped out of the way, and I grabbed my goggles and towel.

  I needed to swim a few laps and settle down. My face burned hot with anger. I quickly secured my goggles and dove into the pool. I stayed under the surface as long as I could. I wanted to hide in the refreshingly cold, silent depths of the water.

  My lungs began to burn with the lack of oxygen, and I broke the surface, gasping, as I drank in the warm summer air. Kicking as hard as I could, my arms cut through the water aggressively.

  Stroke, stroke, and breathe. Stroke, stroke, and breathe.

  He was right. I was young and I wasn’t really living my life. But he let me down just like every other guy I ever knew. I was sure I would regret not letting anyone in someday, but I just wasn’t sure who I could trust or how to turn things around anymore.

  Pull it together, short stuff.

  ***

  I WALKED INTO the small but bright kitchen of my family’s apartment and greeted my sister with a kiss. We didn’t have much money, but our place felt like home. My mom had painted the kitchen lemon-meringue yellow, placed mason jars with fresh flowers on the windowsill, and kept a white lace tablecloth on our small, round table. We were proud of our home, and we cared enough to make it feel special. It was a space that brought me immediate comfort.

  I could only imagine how hard it was for my mom when my dad—I use that term loosely—left almost twenty-two years ago. It was disturbingly common for men to leave marriages when a child was born with disabilities. My father lasted almost two years before he took off with his secretary for a life that wasn’t burdened with children, let alone a child with special needs. Dad abandoned my mom and Evie a few days after she told him she was pregnant with me. I guess he was terrified that their second child would also be born with disabilities, and he couldn’t take the chance. My mom was left cleaning houses and doing what she could to raise me and Evie, my sweet sister who happened to be born with Down syndrome. I was left without ever having the chance to meet my father.

  After I graduated last month and moved back home, mom had found a job cleaning commercial office space at night, so she would be home with Evie during the day. Evie was placed on a waiting list for a residential group home when she turned twenty-one. She would hopefully soon be living in a townhome or apartment with a roommate and a person hired to live with them and provide supports, like cooking, giving out medication, and transportation. She had been patiently waiting for three long years now.

  She was also working with an employment agency to find a job that she could do with some help. Evie could handle simple tasks, like stocking shelves, doing janitorial work, or clearing tables in a restaurant. If it was anything more complex, she was going to need someone to assist her, and she would need transportation to whatever job she could find.

  Evie really wanted to work and have her independence. She had gone to a school for children with various special needs, but once she turned twenty-one she was considered an adult and no longer allowed in the school system. She had spent the last three years sitting at home all day long. Mom had looked for day programs for her that she had read about on-line, but in our community they weren’t well-funded. So, the placements all had long waiting lists too. Evie was bored and frustrated. She wanted to contribute to society, and she wanted to work like everyone else did.

  I, however, was terrified. Even though I was her younger sister, I had helped raise her, and while I knew I had to l
et go at some point… I would miss her. My entire life, I had made decisions thinking about the effect they would have on Evie. I chose friends that were kind to Evie. I included Evie in everything I did, knowing she would have been lonely or otherwise excluded. To now face her moving out…. I wasn’t sure what that meant for our relationship. Would she ever need me the same way again?

  In the meantime, I helped Mom by watching over Evie every night and I truly loved my time with her. I never resented her—not like I resented the life we were handed. The near constant attention she needed never bothered me; I only wanted her to be safe and happy. She was always so much more than just my sister.

  Evie wore her short brown hair in a simple, manageable style. Her large, almond shaped, green eyes and big smile warmed my heart. She was very short and quite rotund; her passion for dessert was one that my mom and I loved to indulge.

  “How are you today, sis?” I asked her, as I examined the fridge for dinner contents.

  “I talk’d to my boyfend, Garrett, today!” Evie’s crush on Garrett Morgan began when they went to school together. He was born with developmental and intellectual disabilities—or mental retardation as our grandparents called it—and was working at our local supermarket. Evie loved to shop for groceries, so she always planned to go when Garrett was working.

  “How is that handsome man?” I asked as I tickled her and began making spaghetti with meat sauce and garlic bread, her favorite.

  “Bad. He asx’d me to the YMCA dance nex’d Friday. Mom’s working. Can’t go.” Evie was distraught at her situation, and her distress always made it more difficult for her to speak. Evie’s words tended to slur or run together as she spoke, but I had grown up with her and could easily understand what she was saying—even when she was pissed off.

  “I’ll drive you! Does Garrett need a lift too?” Garrett lived in a nearby group home and he sometimes had trouble finding reliable transportation that wasn’t work related. Evie would never have thought to ask me to drive them, but I was happy to do anything that made her smile.

  “Thank you, Emma! Now it’ll be a real date!” Evie hugged me and headed to her room to call her guy.

  The doorbell rang and I grumbled. I wasn’t expecting anyone and didn’t want to deal with nosy neighbors or solicitors.

  Landon stood at my door with a large bunch of sunflowers. He wasn’t wearing his signature baseball cap, but he had styled his unruly brown hair with some gel. He wore a blue polo shirt, collar popped up, with brown cargo shorts and flip flops. A flipping J Crew model could have been standing in front of me.

  “How in the hell do you know where I live?” My mouth hung open and he burst out laughing.

  “Not the response I was looking for, Em. I looked up your address in the office files. I came to apologize for missing our workout and being late to work. I’m sorry. I was a douche.” He walked into the apartment before I could stop him.

  “Thanks for the apology, but now you need to go. I’m making dinner for my sister.” I held the door open, repeatedly waving my arm in front of it, as if to shoo him away, hoping he would get my not-so-subtle message.

  Instead, he grinned widely and walked into the kitchen, peeking under the pot. “Spaghetti with meat sauce is my favorite!”

  “Mine too!” Evie’s voice was high pitched with excitement when she saw the boy standing in our kitchen.

  “May I join you?” Landon asked Evie as she replied “Sure!” and I yelled “No!” simultaneously.

  Landon chuckled and set the flowers on the table. He spun one of our kitchen chairs around, sitting on it backwards, looking right at home in our space, as he smiled warmly at Evie. She returned his grin and sat next to him, smelling the flowers deeply.

  “These for Emma?” Evie leaned over to ask Landon.

  He leaned closer to her and nodded. “I hurt her feelings and I needed to apologize,” he explained.

  Evie nodded. “Good move. I like choclate.” Evie usually spoke in short sentences. Part of her syndrome made it hard for her to communicate longer, more complex thoughts. She was trying to tell him she liked boys to give her chocolate when they hurt her feelings. I hoped Landon was able to follow along, and I prayed I wouldn’t have to kick his ass if he said anything stupid to my sister.

  “You’re cute.” Evie blurted out while staring at Landon. I wondered if he was uncomfortable with her attention. He was used to a ton of awareness from any and all females, but… Evie was different and I wasn’t sure how he would handle her.

  Landon thanked her for her compliment and then continued their conversation, as I stirred the sauce on the stove and finished making dinner. Landon was asking Evie about her life and seemed truly interested in her stories. He was a pushy jerk, but he was being kind to my Evie. That would earn him points with me any day.

  “Landon, may I speak to you in the other room?” I wiped my hands with the towel and tried my hardest to look irritated with his visit. Really, I was touched that he came by and wanted to apologize. I started to feel that I’d misjudged him. Maybe there was more than just a pretty boy in Landon.

  Landon followed me into the living room. “Listen. Thank you for the flowers, but you need to go. You don’t know Evie and it feels weird having you here.”

  “I want to get to know you and Evie. Please, let me stay.” Landon put his hands on my arms and squeezed my biceps gently.

  “Have you ever met anyone with Down syndrome before?” I narrowed my eyes at him, protection for my sister emanating from me.

  “Yes, five minutes ago. And I’d like to continue my conversation. I like you, Emma, and I want to get to know your sister too.”

  I leaned close to his ear so I could be sure Evie wouldn’t hear me. “Part of her disability involves an enlarged tongue. I’m sure you’ve noticed she slurs her words when she speaks. It can also be difficult for her to eat. I have had friends who were pretty grossed out…”

  Landon pulled back so I could see his scowl. “Don’t insult me. I want to eat dinner with you and Evie. Besides, now that I’ve seen the menu, I’ve got to have some of that spaghetti. I won’t be able to get it off my mind.”

  Landon grabbed my hand and playfully pulled me into the kitchen. I acted annoyed at his commanding gesture, but I really wasn’t. He was respectful, funny, and a gentleman around both me and my sister. He ate dinner next to Evie, never once acting uncomfortable or bothered. I was impressed.

  After dinner, he helped me do the dishes, while Evie retreated to her room to watch reruns of Good Luck Charlie—her all-time favorite sitcom. After the last pot was put away, we sat on the living room sofa. “All right, Em. Spill it. What’s your story? I’m hooked and now I have to hear it.”

  I smiled and pulled my legs under me. Hiding my feelings was my natural reaction, but there was something about Landon coming to my home and meeting my sister. I inherently trusted him, even though it went against everything I knew to do so. Perhaps it was the genuine interest and caring he showed both of us. It could have been the way he turned to look at me, giving me his full attention, brown eyes searching mine. Whatever it was, I wanted to tell him.

  “Same shit you’ve heard before. Dad left when Evie was little and mom was pregnant with me. He didn’t want to risk having two kids with problems. Mom struggled with money. I had to leave college early to help with the bills. Only, I couldn’t get a job after graduating, so I was stuck working at a country club pool managing a bunch of teens. Same old, same old.”

  Landon shook his head and pulled my chin up to look at him. “Nope, not the same old story. Most people wouldn’t be strong enough, smart enough, or unselfish enough to leave college early for their family. You’re a great person, Em.” He looked at me, and I felt the shift. Everything changed in those few seconds. I wasn’t annoyed, or bitter, or ice-cold. My walls, just for that moment, came down. I wanted him to kiss me and he wanted to kiss me. So of course, my mom walked in.

  “Mom!” I jumped up nervously as she smiled warml
y at Landon. My mom looked a lot like me, with caramel colored hair, now cut short, and green eyes. She was thin and looked beaten down by the world, but her smile would light up her whole face. She looked at Landon and me with delight and walked over to meet my new friend.

  Landon calmly stood and shook hands with my mom, introducing himself. “My name is Landon Washington. I work with Emma. I was just leaving, Ms. Harris. It was so nice to meet you and your beautiful daughters.”

  “It’s very nice to meet you too, Landon. Emma doesn’t invite many friends over here.” She beamed at me and I grunted, causing Landon to chuckle quietly. My mom knew quite well I never initiated Landon’s visit. I never initiated anyone’s visit. Hostess with the mostess, I was not.

  I walked Landon to the door, and was startled when he enveloped me in a hug. He was so big and strong; I almost melted into his arms. It was a safe, comforting feeling that I had never known from a male. I could have stayed in that embrace for years.

  “Thank you, Em. Thanks for tonight.” I could only nod as I watched Landon head to his truck and drive off.

  ***

  THE FOLLOWING TUESDAY was cloudy and overcast all day. A thick, grey, misty haze had settled all around the club grounds. There wasn’t a soul at the pool. The wind began to howl, thunder rumbled in, and lightning flashed in the distance. I let the guards go home for the day. I was working on the schedule when Landon came in from the restroom. He had changed into shorts and a T-shirt. His tattoos peeked out from under his shirt, and he again wore his baseball cap backwards. Damn.

  “Have you put me on the schedule yet?” He leaned over me to watch me work.

  “Nope, any requests?” I looked up at him and he grinned in his cocky way.

  “Just one. Put me on with you. Always. Okay?”

  I smiled to myself and nodded. Landon and I had started hanging out together every day since he visited my apartment and met Evie. During breaks from work, he asked me all about my sister, wanting to learn more about the syndrome she was born with, and what it was like for me growing up.